fighting for my life trying to get this damn emote plugin to work and it doesn’t do anything ughhh. i guess i can just manually enter the code every time i want to use an emote. BUT I WON’T LIKE IT at least the textile language makes it a lot quicker to do so.

i’m sure there has to be a way to get it working but i’m too sleepy to fuck with it anymore today….i ate 2 ham sandwiches and i’m teetering on the edge of a food coma. ever since i started lamotrigine i’ve been dealing with a drastically lowered appetite, and i have to sort of gently force myself to put food in my stomach after i wake up. i say “gently” because it’s not like food is repulsive to me now, it’s just that i’m not motivated to eat? so i’ll have a meal after i wake up and then won’t feel like i need to eat again for the rest of the day. i still do need to eat, obviously, but i feel like i don’t need to. i usually love food because i am A Fat so this is all very new and strange to me, lol.

i’m also dealing with some new memory loss/confusion issues since i went up to 100mg. which is a little concerning because i already have a terrible memory lol. idk if it’s memory loss, actually— it’s mostly that i’m having some trouble speaking, like, my tongue gets tied and i forget words a lot. i’ll be speaking to someone about an object that is in the room with us and i can’t remember what it’s called; for example, i’ll be trying to say “put that bag down on the table” and it comes out like “put that bag down on the…uhhhhh…..” and the other person just has to assume what i’m talking about. the tongue twisting annoys me much more than the word loss thing though. nothing is more annoying and embarrassing than getting stuck in a loop of trying to say a word and just babbling syllables like donnie from the wild thornberries. like i’m having a stroke call the bondulance

you’d think for how simple and infrequent my blog posts are, i’d have a much easier time finding a blogging engine that i like…but i’m picky. i needed one that was small, easy to visually customize, and didn’t require a ton of effort to post on. dreamwidth fits the second two criteria, but i wanted something i could host on my own site, just because i prefer journal posts, which tend to be more personal, to be hosted on my own site. dreamwidth gets a fraction of the traffic of other social blogging sites but it still feels a little too Public for me to feel totally comfortable posting more personal or emotional topics. i’m still keeping my DW account for commenting and interacting with people there, but i think i’m gonna house my own posts on my own site now.

i’ve played around with some other free blogging tools like FlatPress and HTMLy but customizing the CSS was too clunky. and then i tried out Zonelets, but i didn’t like how many steps were involved in posting. no disrespect to Zonelets or its creator though! i’m just lazy :^D i also like having some kind of CMS for a journal just because it’s easier on my brain, especially now that i’m on lamotrigine and seem to get confused easier than i used to…more on that at a later date lol

so anyway, i’m using Textpattern as of right now, and it seems to hit all of my criteria! customizing it was really confusing at first but i think i sorta understand how it works now? i understand it well enough to start posting with it, anyway :p my next step is to configure a plugin that will let me use all the deviantart smileys i saved ages ago; i’ve been trying to figure out an efficient way to use them on my site for like….3 years now!!